Dreams are a childs reality.....

izzielosthermind:

stabla:

if you think your family is dysfunctional remember that zeus got a woman pregnant but she burned to death so he rescued the fetus from her ashes and sewed it into his thigh and gave birth to it himself and that fetus is now the god of wine and sexual deviancy god bless

My great aunt stabbed her husband in the stomach on their anniversary and he decided not to divorce her because he didn’t want a custody battle over the goats.

(Source: paintgod)

sparklehime:

androidalisa:

sparklehime:

I like graveyards because they’re really quiet because like most dead people can’t talk

most.

only most.

I don’t want to stereotype

vardaesque:

wholockian-at-hogwarts:

WHAT DO YOU AMERICANS MEAN WHEN A SHOW IS ON AT LIKE FUCKIN “8/7c” WHAT IS THAT????

we don’t even know

(via snowfright-sketches)

maxolines:

sassy-spoon:

nerdbird:

Google is definitely a woman, it starts suggesting things before you can even finish your sentence.

That must mean Bing is a man, tries to convince people it’s superior and does a horrible job with pleasing its user.

image

(via sdfghjklyly)

ravkan:

equalistmako:

ravkan:

equalistmako:

I JUST GOT ALL FLUSTERED AND FORGOT HOW TO PRONOUNCE WORDS AND ENDED UP ORDERING A “CHICKEN QUESADILDO”

"heres ur order m’am"

image

the fact that you can look at “dildo” and think “armadillo" is one of the most innocent things I’ve ever seen in my life

I THOUGHT IT SAID DILLO I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP

(via afirethatwillneverburn)

destielmybeatingheart:

lastchance-lastdance-girl:

balconyscene:

illplaytheromeoyouplaythejuliet:

I feel as fucking useless as a white fucking crayon

image 

u just gotta find someone who prefers black paper my friend

That’s deep bro

You’ve never drawn with a white crayon and painted over it with watercolour?
Duuuude.
White crayons are awesome!

contentbabe:

i used to be afraid of ghosts when i was little so my mom used to tell me that they can be vacuumed up so she gave me a hand-held vacuum and would make me go around the house cleaning telling me that i was getting rid of all the ghosts

(via the-best-text-posts)

gimpygabi:

-chairmanmeow:

why are ghost movies always set in hospitals and jails. 

i want a ghost movie set in walmart.

“cleanup in aisle 13”

but there is no aisle 13

(via heyfunniest)

sexhaver:

stantler:

grab-the-sushi-and-run:

ASH KETCHUM YOU LUCKY BOY YOU GOT TO DO EVERYTHINGAWESOME IN THE POKEMON WORLD IT’S NOT FAIR ANYMORE

he never got to grow up, spend time with his family, or have a family of his own. he has a 5th grade education at best, hes essentially homeless, and the only friend hes retained through all of his travels is a mouse. 

he is literally riding the god of the oceans like a fucking flying horse do you think he gives a rat’s ass about his education

sexhaver:

stantler:

grab-the-sushi-and-run:

ASH KETCHUM YOU LUCKY BOY YOU GOT TO DO EVERYTHINGAWESOME IN THE POKEMON WORLD IT’S NOT FAIR ANYMORE

he never got to grow up, spend time with his family, or have a family of his own. he has a 5th grade education at best, hes essentially homeless, and the only friend hes retained through all of his travels is a mouse. 

he is literally riding the god of the oceans like a fucking flying horse do you think he gives a rat’s ass about his education

(via jaylool)

thebaconsandwichofregret:

kimbbearly:

why dont humans have a specific noise that means “there are bees here lets leave immediately” why are elephants more advanced than us

we do have a specific noise, it sounds like this:

“there are bees here lets leave immediately”

(Source: kimbbearlyold, via almaasi)